Over the weekend I journeyed to visit my adult son for the day. Although we extensively use technology to connect, I hadn’t been in his presence for several weeks and it was my turn to travel towards him. I would have been fully satisfied with my visit lingering over lunch enjoying a lengthy conversation exploring his thoughts and feelings regarding various subjects pertaining to his life and sharing some of my own.

That’s how most women are wired to communicate according to the research of Deborah Tannen. Her study of children communicating revealed that even young girls prefer sitting facing each other discussing a problem or feelings of one of them, whereas boys sit parallel to each other sharing an activity which creates brief topical conversation.

For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They’re friends with the boys they do things with.                                                ~ Deborah Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

The motives of communication between males and females are different as well. Tannen discovered that males reluctantly share personal issues because it could damage their status and desire for independence. Female counterparts presume that hesitance to share is withholding emotional intimacy form them. Since they create connection with others through discussing problems, they often attempt to lead the way with males by sharing their own issues. When a female communicates with a male in this manner she is often disappointed when he attempts to jump to problem solving, since he can’t imagine sharing a problem unless he needs a quick fix in order to regain control. In that sense, the communication motives are at odds with each other, and create much misunderstanding and lack of connection.

Knowing this difference in communication preferences, I had the cribbage board stuffed in my purse. As a little girl I remember many weekend afternoons spent alongside a cribbage board learning, competing, laughing, and listening to my Dad. My son recently told me that he and his friends had been playing cribbage. So I resurrected my board, tried to remember how to play, and hoped this tool would work it’s magic again! I wasn’t disappointed. The game created enough activity, competition, and laughter to satisfy my son, and paved the way for a meaningful conversation concerning his work and life, which fulfilled my desire for connection. It was a win-win for us!

So, if you want to connect with a significant male in your life, be willing to engage in an activity that they might enjoy. Allow the conversation to be the backdrop to the activity. Likewise, if you desire closeness with a significant female in your life, be willing to share some of your internal thoughts and feelings and listen to hers as well, without assuming she is asking for a solution. By being willing to give each other the gift of meaningful communication as they would receive it, you will capture the connection you both desire.

Elizabeth Long, LPC

It finally snowed. Although winter teased us in early December, the first true blanket of whiteness just arrived. A few snowflakes are still gently falling, and the effect out my window is one of stillness and beauty. The drab and dreary landscape has been given a rebirth of freshness. For now, it looks new and pristine.

After the holiday excitement and dust settles, many of us struggle with drabness of spirit. The return to ordinary time, isolation, lack of sunlight, and often-abandoned resolutions creates a defeated, discouraged soul. These are the months when many struggle with depression and lose hope for true internal change. We want change.  We want this year to be different. Somehow we feel so stuck, frozen in unwanted patterns of behavior.

Neuroscience informs us that perception can be reality within our brains. Most of us are reacting to well-worn neural paths that were formed through early experiences.  In childhood, our brains stored new experiences and responses in our memory. Soon these responses became less thought through and more automatic. For example, as you read this you don’t have to struggle identifying each letter within a word. When learning to read, decoding a single word took time. Developing a definition and response to each word was laborious. It took a lot of focused attention and experimentation before learning. Now, due to the neural pathways previously formed in your brain, you have read three paragraphs effortlessly, perhaps while multitasking, like drinking a cup of coffee or responding to texts.

These same neural pathways exist in our emotional and behavioral responses. As a child when we heard an angry voice or saw an angry face, we identified, decoded, defined, and chose a response. The development of this response is similar to the reading example. Our emotional responses to an angry person, whether fear, anxiety, or mirrored anger informed our next behavior, perhaps withdraw, ignore, or fight. We repeated behaviors that worked for us at that time. These behavioral responses soon became well-worn paths that are predictable.

The ability to create new neurons, make new neural connections, and prune those no longer needed is called what researcher Dan Siegel, M.D. calls neuroplasticity. Although the period of greatest growth and change within our brain occurs during childhood through adolescence, recent research strongly suggests that neuroplasticity can be enhanced at any age. All of our behaviors are a series of chain reactions generated from the brain. We can alter the chain reaction by renewing our mind.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. ~ Romans 12:2

How does one renew the brain? Dan Siegel’s research has identified three specific activities that stimulate new neural pathways: aerobic exercise, focused attention exercises, and novel learning experiences.

Any learning that expands your meaningful level of creativity, such as learning a foreign language, to play an instrument, or to build furniture, encourages neuroplasticity. Memorizing the first ten pages of the phone book does not qualify-unless you have a very creative way for using that memorized list of numbers.  ~Anatomy of the Soul, Curt Thompson, M.D.

In honor of January and new beginnings, explore which novel learning experiences you can engage with this month and throughout the New Year. Not only will it be fun, it will prime your brain for renewal and refresh your soul. Identify three activities you will try in 2012. For example:

• Learn to snowshoe, ballroom dance, snorkel
• Try a new ethnic restaurant, learn four new phrases in that language, plan a trip to this foreign country
• Join a cooking class, acting class, yoga class, photography class
• Design a garden, rebuild a motor, weld patio art, roast your own coffee beans

Be inspired, be creative, change your patterns, and begin to renew your mind.

Unfortunately, most of us have had the experience of turning on the news or opening up the paper and learning about the sexual abuse of a child by a previously trusted adult like a coach, teacher, family friend, or babysitter.  Over the last several months many of us have heard of the numerous allegations of child sexual abuse by former Penn State coach, Jerry Sandusky.  Prior to these allegations, Mr. Sandusky was viewed as a hard working family man who generously devoted his time to charity work and children. Parents may wonder how they can protect their own children from being violated by a seemingly trustworthy adult. Current research indicates that as many as one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 16 years old.  Fortunately, there are some basic principles we can teach our children that will make them less vulnerable to adults who may try to hurt them.  I have worked with many children who have been sexual abused and most of them were not provided with information that could have helped to either prevent the abuse or bring help to the situation more quickly.  In our society we do a great job of teaching children about fire safety, cautions about unwrapped Halloween candy, and warnings about looking both ways before crossing the street, but we often drop the ball when it comes to body safety and sexual abuse prevention. Let’s explore a few of the ways parents can help to protect their children and equip them to reach out for help when necessary.

A basic principle that parents can implement with children as young as 3 years old is the belief: “My Body Belongs to Me.” For example, a common mistake many parents make is to insist their children kiss Aunt Betty goodbye or give Grandpa Joe a big hug even when a child is feeling uncomfortable or uninterested in any physical contact.  We may force our children to kiss or hug relatives or friends because we think it is proper social etiquette, but what we are actually teaching our children is that others have the right to touch their bodies even when they do not feel comfortable or like the touch.  On the contrary, we need to teach children they have the right to refuse kisses, hugs, and any touches that makes them feel uncomfortable even when it is good old Uncle Bob or loving Grandma Jean.  Teaching a child it is O.K. to tell a grown up not to touch their body is empowering and helps to instill the belief that a child’s body belongs to them and no one can touch it without permission or consent.  So the next time you are leaving a relative’s home and Aunty Sue wants a big kiss and hug goodbye from your little one, you can very politely turn to your child and ask, “Would you like to give Aunty a kiss?” and if the answer is “no” simply say, “O.K, then tell her goodbye and thank you for the cookies.”  In addition, if a child does attempt to set a touching limit on a friend or relative and a parent notices others ignoring or dismissing their child’s limit setting, it is the parent’s obligation to step in and help that person understand their family “rules” regarding touching.  For example, if little Eric says to grandpa, “I don’t want a hug right now,” and grandpa responds, “Oh come on, you don’t want to hurt grandpa’s feelings.”  A parent needs to step in and say something like, “It seems Eric doesn’t want any hugs right now and we always teach him he has permission to decide when he wants hugs. How about a great big friendly wave goodbye for now?”  This is a great way to role model setting healthy boundaries.

Another important job for parents is to teach their children the proper names for “private” body parts.  We often come up with cute code words for our children to use when referring to their genitals such as “wee- wee,” while we assign proper names for every other body part and do not suggest calling an ear a “wing-wang” or an elbow a “she-she.”  These code words are often due to our own discomfort and we unfortunately pass this discomfort on to our children. This learned embarrassment about body parts can be dangerous.  Our children need to know from an early age that there is no shame around their genitals so they will feel comfortable coming to us and telling us if someone is touching their body in a way they do not like.  Research has demonstrated that one of the top reasons why children do not tell when they are being sexually abused is due to embarrassment.  It is important to instill in children that we are comfortable talking about any part of their body and they do not have to use code words when referring to certain body parts because of shame induced feelings.  Even if we have started out using code words with our children, it is never too late to correct the mistake. For example, we can simply have a brief matter-of-fact conversation with our kids explaining that the proper name for their “wee-wee” is penis and that doctors use the word penis for that body part or that the real word for “hum-hum” is vagina and doctors call “hum-hums” a vagina. Children need to learn that there is complete freedom and safety in talking to parents about anything including their body parts,

Another important concept to begin teaching children is the difference between “safe secrets” and “unsafe secrets.”  Many children who have been sexually abused were tricked into keeping the abuse a secret.  Children need to know that if someone touches them and tells them to keep it a secret that “touching secrets” are always unsafe and an adult needs to be told right away. A parent can have simple and direct conversations with their children about these concepts such as after buying Daddy a surprise present for his birthday a parent could say, “We are going to surprise Daddy with this shirt at his birthday party.  This a safe secret because we are only keeping it for a short time and no one will be hurt with this secret.  If someone tries to touch your body or makes you touch their body and asks you to keep it a secret that is an unsafe secret and you should tell me or Daddy right away.  Remember your body belongs to you!”

As much as we try to provide our children with helpful tools, the prevention of sexual abuse needs to include diligent awareness of the individuals who have access to our children. Parents and other adults have the responsibility to be aware of signs which could indicate that someone is a risk to a child. Some signs may include:

1. An individual who forces tickles, hugs, or wrestling even when a child does not want this type of contact.
2. A person who spends most of their spare time with children and very little time with people their own age.
3. An individual who seems “too good to be true,” and regularly offers to baby-sit for free or takes kids on frequent overnight excursions.
4. Someone who buys children expensive gifts or gives money for no reason.
5. Someone who doesn’t respect boundaries such as walking in on a child or teen in the bathroom.
6. Someone who insists on alone time with kids or finds ways to get kids alone without any interruptions.
7. Someone who is preoccupied or interested in how a child’s or teen’s body is developing and perhaps frequently brings up the topic.

It is also important to know how to respond if a child reveals they have been sexually abused.  Research indicates that how a child is responded to when they disclose sexual abuse has a significant impact on their ability to recover and find healing after the violation. One of the most important ideas to keep in mind is to STAY CALM.  There is incredible pressure for kids to keep silent when being sexually abused and when they finally have the courage to tell, they need an adult who will listen to them calmly and reassure them it is O.K to share this information.  If an adult becomes overly upset, the child can misinterpret this to mean they have done something wrong and the child could shut down.  It is also very important to reassure the child that they did the right thing by telling and that you are very glad they made the brave decision to tell.  Many children do not tell about sexual abuse because they are afraid of upsetting their parents.  Kids need to know their parents can handle hearing anything their child shares and that they are proud of them for telling. In addition, if a child shares with you about being sexually abused try and assess the child’s current safety.  Make sure the child is safe and do what is necessary to protect the child from further harm. It is also important to repeatedly reassure the child that they are not responsible for the abuse.  Lastly, reach out for help from professionals to provide guidance as to next steps.  For example, report the incident to the police, call the child abuse hotline number and report the incident (in Illinois 1-800-25-ABUSE or National 1-800-4-A-CHILD), and contact a professional counselor experienced in the treatment of sexual abuse.  A helpful website that provides further information regarding responding to sexual abuse disclosures and sexual abuse prevention is www.StopItNow.org .  In addition, if you are interested in arranging a workshop for children and parents regarding sexual abuse prevention, please contact First Baptist Counseling Center at 847-695-8710 or www.firstbaptistelgin.org

I was reminded of Jesus words in the gospel of Luke, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.” (Luke 18:16)   As you sit and watch children you stop and wonder what it is that He was referring to?  Their pure devotion, their undiluted passion, their unbridled and often reckless abandon to their feelings and emotions?

It brought me a bit full circle to some of what I touched on last month.  I think that we as adults get so stuck because we have such judgments and conditions to our emotions; which ones are appropriate, acceptable, and good.

So often we are taught that there are “weak” emotions.  Even some are taught that all emotion is “bad”.  I truly believe that to be fully alive, to be fully human and embrace all of who we were designed to be we must embrace all emotion not as good or bad, but as reality.  We are humans created to feel deeply.  To shut any part of those down is to shut down a part of our person, a part of our humanity, and to not live fully.

I see that purely as I watch these children in their play.  In a matter of an evening there was deep joy and laughter, and then I got to see anger in its delightful fullness as well!  I see that clearly we cannot behave in that manner and throw ourselves on the ground when we do not get our way…though I think if I am honest there are times I wish I still could!

So, where am I heading with these thoughts?  I find myself going back to the “both/and”.  We are invited into the journey of sitting with the tension of the dichotomy of conflicting emotions.  And in that place there is something profound to be felt.  In that place we often encounter Jesus.

Let me share a vivid example:  A friend of mine found out she was pregnant.  A month before she gave birth, her grandmother, whom she dearly loved, died from a stroke.   When she gave birth to her beautiful baby girl I remember talking to her.  She was struck by the intensity of the joy she felt and yet in the midst of that she also felt a deep sadness that her grandma wasn’t there and will never hold her baby.

A daily example:  A person wakes up battling intense feelings of shame and sadness.  They would rather not get out of bed.  The message they hear in their head is, “buck up”  “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and get on with the day”  “shake it off”  “As a Christian I shouldn’t feel this way, I should have joy and peace” “stop your pity party” etc.  The feelings are not embraced at all; in fact they are shamed in the process of attempting to rid themselves of such “negative and bad” emotions.

I need to end, yet am just beginning!  J  So today, I am feeling like there is a big connection between the Scripture in Luke and our adult fight against embracing all of our feelings.   I like the picture of Jesus tenderly looking at the child in all of us and beckoning us to be kind and compassionate to that part.  Can we learn to recognize and embrace the fullness…the both/and.

            Something dramatic just happened in the garden. On the last day of November, I was tidying up the perennials, known to gardeners as “putting the garden to bed”. Beneath the dried up vegetation I uncovered a few geranium leaves hiding, clinging to the last warmth of autumn. These unexpected multi-colored leaves were a delightful find in an otherwise dreary chore, a hidden beauty waiting to be discovered and enjoyed before they too faded from the cold.

That evening as if on cue, it began to snow, the season changing in earnest. Sunrise December first revealed that any lingering color would be hidden in black and white until spring. Actually that’s not so dramatic. It’s expected, predicted, and a necessary interlude in nature between the exhilarating season of harvest and the hope of new spring growth.

The rhythmic movement of winter is one of recovery and restoration. It’s a time for recovering from the recent activity and restoring energy for the coming growing season. The more plants slow down to rest and silence under the snow, the more strength and nourishment for future seasons. For many plants, when the sap ceases to flow it’s safe to prune out the dead wood. At any other time, pruning would cause damage from “bleeding out”. Pruning prepares plants for future growth, as well as bringing shape and balance to its form.  Winter is a vital phase in the cycle of life.

Nature doesn’t resist winter. Why do we? Humans tend to ignore, fight, or flee from winter. We pretend or hope it won’t come again this year. We layer clothing, shovel the driveway, and salt the sidewalk refusing to allow winter to slow us down. Or we migrate to any location south like many of our feathered friends. Something within us doesn’t want to succumb to winter’s invitation to rest.

Many times, the seasons of one’s soul don’t align with the calendar. However, similar seasons do exist and are quite necessary for a life lived with vitality. Upon life’s journey there will be winter seasons, often signaled by endings. The completions of a school year, an exhausting long-term project, or a ministry season are a few of these endings. Another is any goodbye in a significant relationship.

At that time, embrace the lessons from nature. Surrender to rest through personal retreats of soul care, extended time with nurturing people, and lingering listening moments with God. Allow the gifts of silence and listening to nourish and inspire something new. In addition, listen to what might need to be pruned in order to bring greater beauty, health, and future productivity from life. By surrendering to the rhythmic invitation to rest, we actually prevent destructive burnout.

“A healthy vine rests while a starved vine withers, and the distinction between these two, though not always evident in winter, will be obvious next spring.

No, winter is not burnout, but God drawing us to the quiet, where he does his deepest work…the colder the winter, the better the crop next year. Mild winters lead to average yields. It seems the further the sap is driven into the vine, the richer its return.

The more we let God slow us down, and the more we let him put us on the sidelines, the more empowered we become for the days ahead.

We need to welcome the stillness, for only then can we hear the depths of God’s heart and find his true leading.”~ In My Father’s Vineyard, Wayne Jacobsen

This December as the snow gets deeper, the days shorter, and the temperature colder assess if it’s a necessary winter season for you. Don’t ignore, fight, or flee. Accept winter’s invitation…

Be still, and know that I am god

~Psalm 46:10

Today I find myself a bit heavy hearted after hearing some extremely painful stories of, addictions relapsed, grief so deep, rage misguided…brokenness taken out in a variety of outlets.  So, where do I go with that?  What hope is there to be had?  Well intended “pat” answers (I.e. all things work for good) leave me believing there is more…

How can we find a hope that we can cling to, that is real? How do we reconcile the “both/and” as I like to call it…the raw brokenness/wholeness, despair/hope, depraved/holy, the ugly/beauty that is in each of us.  What I mean, is that we were created perfect, whole, and beautiful yet because of sin we are broken, separate, and depraved.  The “joy and pain”…” sun and rain” as I heard this morning The David Crowder Band singing about in their song “Never Let  Go”.

Because of Jesus, we have been given hope, grace, and wholeness.  He restores us to be who we were created to be.  Yet, we so often still choose slavery.  Why?

I believe that if we were to choose freedom (Galatians 5:1), to choose the healing being offered, we have to acknowledge the broken, the depraved, and the wounded places.  To acknowledge would mean to “face it”, to talk about it, to open the doors to what brought us to the destructive places we are in, to feel the pain of looking at hard things that up to this point have a big “do not enter” all over them.  Rooms of our hearts that have been locked up, walled off, and denied access…they have to be opened up and looked into.  The fear of that can be so overwhelmingly great that we choose what we know; we choose the addiction, we choose the pain and muck, the denial, whatever the escapist medication of choice, we choose to avoid the healing power that leads to freedom.

I have great empathy and tenderness because I know how terrifying it can be to even consider the path of facing things.  Yet, as I have chosen that path myself, as well as chosen a profession to walk alongside others on that journey I have a phrase I like to use….it is a “delightful terror”.  Because, while it is scary and will not be without pain, there is a freedom and peace to be gained that is delightful on the other side.

There have also been studies that show the benefits of pets for children.  Children who grow up caring for a pet tend to have a better ability to communicate their thoughts and feelings.  This may be due to an increased comfort of sharing feelings and thoughts with a nonjudgmental animal friend who provides a child with practice talking about their emotions.  During counseling sessions with a shy and anxious child, I have often wondered if they would open up a little more quickly and easily if my puppy Lexi was laying next to them or looking up at them with her gentle and accepting eyes.  At times children and adults have chosen to bring their pets to counseling sessions with me, and it seems to help create a safer more comfortable atmosphere for them. Counseling can be hard work and having the comfort of a loving animal helps to provide reassurance and safety.

I have also been intrigued to learn of the physical health benefits of having pets. Some studies show that petting a cat or dog can actually lower blood pressure just as much as eating a low salt diet.  I also learned that some dogs can sense and warn their owners if they are about to have a seizure or if their blood sugar levels are changing significantly. I passed on this information to my mother who struggles with diabetes and told her about an organization called Dogs4Diabetics.  I also found it fascinating to learn that children who grow up around cats, dogs, or farm animals are less likely to develop allergies and asthma.

 As I continued to learn more about the emotional, physical, and therapeutic benefits of pets, I also started considering God’s view of animals as stated in scripture.  I was reminded of the verse in the first chapter of Genesis: “And God blessed them, and said unto them, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and over every living thing thast moveth upon the earth.’ “(Genesis 1:28)   I discovered that the English word “dominion” taken from the Hebrew word ”rada’ can be interpreted to mean “in the manner of a good shepherd, anxious to preserve them in the best possible condition for his master.” I find it very interesting that God uses the picture of the relationship between a shepherd and his sheep to convey the love that He has for us. For example, in the book of Ezekiel the Lord says, ”I myself will tend my sheep and cause them to lie down in peace, says the Sovereign Lord.  I will search for my lost ones who strayed away, and I will bring them home again.  I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak… ( Ezekiel 34: 15,15)  I love the idea the God may be giving us just a small glimpse of the love He has for us with the deep connection we have with our pets. The job David had as a shepherd caring for and being with his sheep in many ways prepared him for his future role as shepherd and King of the people of Israel.  Maybe God is doing something special for us as we care for and love the animals in our lives.

When it comes, whether suddenly or with ample warning, the symptoms are similar: shock, heartache, anger, desperate longing, and loneliness.  Initially people reflexively reach out, but often over time the caring touch dwindles before those who grieve experience renewal.

I was recently reminded of this as I drove down University Avenue in Palo Alto, CA three days after the death of Steve Jobs. Palo Alto was Jobs’ hometown, and the site of the first street level Apple Store. After his death, the Apple Store had become a shrine to the innovative genius. The shop windows were completely covered by multicolor Post-It notes of sympathy, the sidewalks filled with silhouettes from candlelight, the pedestrians somber, still, silent. Many paused, a few expressed sorrows, and then most continued along the sidewalk.  Despite the international attention Jobs’ death created, one month later those reflexive reaching out moments are mostly in the rear view mirror.

Grief work takes time, a long time, and most are not committed to walking slowly alongside the bereaved. It’s awkward, becomes uncomfortable, and creates anxiety for solution-oriented folks. Better to distract the bereaved with work, humor, or recreation lest anyone become overwhelmed with memories, feelings, or vulnerabilities. Therefore, grievers often become silent regarding their loss, everyone hoping the pain will vanish mysteriously.

“Silence is a curse to injured, hurting people. Silence tapes up our wounds before they have been thoroughly cleaned so that they are sure to become infected. Talking provides at least a portion of the cleansing we need for our wounds.” ~Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love, Raymond Mitsch, Lynn Brookside

Grievers need patience, presence, and a path upon which to heal, which includes talking about their sorrow, many times over. One of the greatest gifts given to those who grieve is a listening ear. Talking about the pain purges the pain, creating space within the heart for God to heal.

“He (God) has sent me (Christ) to bind up the brokenhearted…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve…to bestow upon them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” ~Isaiah 61:1-3

Amazingly enough, there is an iPhone  grief support app filled with tremendous and supportive information, however they haven’t quite replaced the power of personal presence and a healing God. Caring people and a comforting God, there’s just no app for that.

As my children get older my thoughts about Halloween have become more evolved.  In all my years growing up it was a fun fall time to get free candy.  When my daughters were both very young it was fun to dress them up in costumes and still go out and get free candy.  Now that my oldest is nine our conversations have become far more thoughtful.

For a little over an hour (right before bedtime) my wife and I and my oldest daughter started to talk about what we were doing for Halloween this year.  The conversation started because my daughter had deeper questions about Halloween this year and what it is all about.

A Brief History of Halloween

From what I could find, the roots of Halloween date back about 2,000 years to an ancient Celtic festival of Samhain.  These tribes celebrated their new year on November 1.  This time marked the end of summer and the harvest period and the beginning of winter.  With winter coming there were often a significant number of deaths.   Their tradition involved costumes and fires with a desire to celebrate the good and ward off the bad spirits.

When the Roman Empire conquered Celtic territories by 43 AD they began to mix their fall traditions during hundreds of years of occupation.  In 609 Pope Boniface IV began claiming traditionally pagan holidays for the church and established the Catholic feast of All Martyrs days.  Pope Gregory III (731-741) later expanded this to include all saints as well as all martyrs.

By the 9^th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands.  As traditions and practices were blended the holiday was established as The All Saints Day (All-Hallows or All-Hallowmas).  The night before became known as  All-Hallows Eve.

Today we celebrate Halloween as a commercialized holiday where Americans spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country’s second largest commercial holiday.  Not to mention that 25% of all the candy sold annually in the U.S. is purchased for Halloween

What Happens Now?

So in the coming days there will be pumpkin carving, bonfires, apple bobbing, haunted attractions, hay rides and my personal favorite trick – or – treating.  The reality is that we live in a diverse culture with diverse celebrations.  Halloween has not been always pagan or always Christian, but it has been a regular part of our culture and many different cultures.  Are we going to define our traditions for our family or let someone else define them for us?

I don’t think removing ourselves from the conversation is the answer.  How are we going to be a light and share anything good if we alienate ourselves from the people we are supposed to love?  The reality is that you have freedom in Christ.  I like the Apostle Paul’s approach,  he became all things to all people so that he may save some. (1 Cor. 9:22)

Christians should not respond to Halloween like superstitious pagans. Pagans are superstitious; Christians are guided by the truth of God’s Word. Evil spirits are no more active and sinister on Halloween than they are on any other day of the year; in fact, any day is a good day for Satan to prowl about seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). But “greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). God has forever “disarmed principalities and powers” through the cross Christ and “made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them through [Christ]” (Colossians 2:15).

Take this opportunity to teach your child what you believe.  Study the matter for yourself and follow your convictions.  Let others do the same without condemnation from you.  You may be wondering what we are going to do this year as a family.  The truth is we have not decided yet.

I imagine we will express our personalities as we get dressed up in fun (not scary) costumes.  We will have fun together as a family using the creativity that God has blessed us with to carve pumpkins.  Some of us may go out trick – or –treating.  Maybe this year we will talk about that pumpkin being lit on our front porch to remind us that we are supposed to be a light in our community as the love of Christ grows in us.  We will celebrate the changing season and give thanks to God for His provision in our lives.  I am glad to be at a church that finds ways to express what is important to us as a believing community.  So on Saturday the 29^th we will be at church for the Fall Jubilee.

For some more information about the history of  Halloween you can click on the links below

Halloween on History.com

Halloween on Wikipedia

Porcupine Mountains from Ben Grey on Vimeo.

“Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’” Mark 6:31 NIV.

I was reminded of the importance of slowing down to rest and reflect. A friend of mine is into serious backpacking. When I agreed to the trip I had no idea what I was getting into. Over the course of three days we carried 30lb packs 23miles through the Porcupine Mountains in Michigan, carrying all of our food and supplies with us.

It is an amazing thing to get away from the noise of the city and the connection to a cell phone tower. To wake up in the morning and sit by the side of Lake Superior and just listen. No agenda, just listen. It is so refreshing. It is moments like this that allow me to recharge a little bit to get back to being “productive” in life.

My prayer for you if you are reading this and watching this video you will ask yourself, “when was the last time I got away to rest.” Make time to have solitude in your life, get away from the noise and allow God to speak into your life. Take a deep breath and live.